


return back to your grave

by croissantkatie



Category: Being Human (UK)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 15:35:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5461853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/croissantkatie/pseuds/croissantkatie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He lies to everyone. He lies to Annie and to George and most of all himself. He tries to lie to her. It doesn't work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	return back to your grave

**Author's Note:**

  * For [goldfinch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldfinch/gifts).



> I hope you like this goldfinch! With thanks to j, j and p for the encouragement and to i for the beta. Title from Cold Blows the Wind by Bellowhead.

There's something about his smile that she finds unsettling. If she tilts her head slightly and looks at him in a certain light, she can kind of understand the appeal. Sardonic and confident but not like he's trying too hard. Comfortable in it. She can't see him like that anymore though. She has stared him down in bright artificial hospital light and the pale sun of a winter's morning. She has seen him too clearly for her to find him attractive anymore. She's glad of that.

*

He lies to everyone. He lies to Annie and to George and most of all himself. He tries to lie to her. It doesn't work. She's not sure if she admires his persistence to keep on trying to convince her or if she thinks he's just a fucking idiot. It's the former if she's trying to be generous but most of the time, it's the latter. She doesn't feel generous towards Mitchell very often anymore.

The lying wouldn't be a problem if it didn't hurt so many people. She understands the urge to lie to protect yourself. She gets that. But the body count is getting too high for her liking now. It's been a massacre too many.

*

Sometimes Mitchell reminds her of those religious fanatics you find in history books who whipped themselves in an effort to atone their sins. To clense the world. Except it's not genuine. Not on his part at least. The whipping doesn't do anything. It's the act of being seen whipped that's the important part. It doesn't atone for anything but it makes him feel better.

Self-flagellants. Just another kind of men with sticks and rope 

*

She will not prostrate herself at his feet. She will not do that for anyone. Not anymore.

*

Sometimes they still sit outside together and share a cigarette. The silence isn't exactly companionable. They both have too many shards and broken edges for that. It's almost nice though. To sit quietly with someone else and smoke. Sometimes they snark at each other. On those occasions, she can almost pretend they're friends.

*

The important thing about Nina is that she decided, years ago now, that she wouldn't take shit from anyone. It doesn't matter if that person's a teacher or a doctor or a bloody werewolf. She is having none of it.

*

They both have walls up to protect themselves. It doesn't work for either of them. The walls might as well be made of glass. Sometimes it warps the picture, but that's as much as it'll ever manage.

They see each other too clearly.

*

People change each other. Lovers change each other possibly even more so. For better or worse. She thinks that Mitchell hopes that Annie will change him for the better; and Nina thinks that that's completely ridiculous. Mitchell sometimes has this idea of Annie that doesn't match up with reality. Annie's nice. Annie is endless cups of tea and support and still being joyful when someone sees her. But she has edges too and sometimes Mitchell is deliberately blind to them. He wants her desperately to be good and different to everyone else he has ever claimed to love. She's not convinced it's really love though. He thinks it is at least.

Annie is good but she is also dark. She has power beyond belief. She stared down death and walked the other way.

Sometimes Nina thinks Annie has seen more darkness than even Mitchell has.

*

He reminds her of bitter coffee which has been brewed for too long. There’s an unpleasant aftertaste that lingers.

*

These days, she gets sick on trains.

She avoid them as much as she can. She doesn’t really have much call to travel far anymore. Hardly anything more than a short trip on the bus. Nina really only used to get the train when she was making the trip back home to see her family. The visits weren’t frequent, but they happened at least.

They haven’t seen her for seven months now.

*

They still sit outside together sometimes. They'll perch on the front step beside each other, breathing in the other's smoke. Nina thinks they used to smoke different brands. They don't anymore. It just seemed more sensible when they always end sharing a pack anyway.

The slightly different taste has almost grown on her.

It's eerily similar to what they used to do out the back of the hospital. Mitchell wearing his ever present gloves and their hands wrapped around mugs of tea. They've exchanged takeaway cups from the cafe for actual mugs pressed on them by Annie.

They still don't really talk. At least the tea is better.

*

It feels like Mitchell is using Annie. She asked her about it once. Annie deserves better than to be used by the sort of man John Mitchell is. Nina is practical and to the point and it had been bothering her, so she asked about it.

Annie had just smiled slightly and placed another cup of tea in front of Nina.

“I know,” she had replied. That had nearly broken her heart more than anything George could ever say or do to her.

*

They all deserve better than this half life they’re living. Even Mitchell. Maybe especially Mitchell. As Annie said once, everyone deserves a death. Mitchell got one, but not properly. Sure, she imagines some people must have mourned him, but it’s not quite the same. People have mourned her, and she hasn’t even died. She just disappeared.

Maybe one day she’ll have been gone so long that someone will erect a tombstone for her. She hopes they don’t.

*

They’re all monsters. They’re not supposed to exist. They are terrifying and dangerous and they need to stay away from other people for their own good. Nina has accepted this. What she hasn’t accepted is the need to act like a monster. She behaves exactly as she always has. Mitchell acts like a petty boy a lot of the time in her opinion. He acts more like a monster than she will ever be, even on a full moon. Maybe that’s just the way he’s always been too.


End file.
